Sometimes in life, we ignore the warning signs that all is not right in our own personal world.
It may start out as a nagging twinge that won’t go away…backaches, headaches, those unsettling dreams that do not vanish in the light of day…we don’t know exactly what is wrong so we make adjustments, we shift positions, a twist here, a turn there, the discomfort eases up, and we continue on, blinders firmly in place.
However, our subconscious knows so much more than we realize…it truly is a friend and we give it such little thanks…our body and mind regroup, and stronger, more persistent messages are sent out to the front line. The twinge we were feeling turns to a burr, a knot in our side, and finally to a deep-rooted thistle sized pain as the ripples of discontent grow.
I felt the knocking of my subconscious, but my blinders were still snugly in place and when I shivered, I merely wrapped my cloak of denial closer. Richard Bach, one of my favourite authors from my teen years said it best when he stated, “the worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid.”
I was in pain.
Because I refused to see, refused to believe,
And what I accepted,
I did not deserve.
Understanding our own value is a difficult quest, but understand we must, for when we do not value ourselves, we do not value others, and that I will not accept.
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I pulled the curtain of threads aside. I stared at the thistle for what it was and identified its roots.
I took action. Life truly is far too short.
I quit my job a little over two weeks ago and I can breathe now without panic crushing my chest and stealing my air. The day after my departure, I awoke with that lovely Christmas morning quiver of excitement and anticipation, a true sign that I had made the right decision.
Some whispers are worth listening to; I think I’ll start paying more attention.