Whispers of Discontent

Sometimes in life, we ignore the warning signs that all is not right in our own personal world.

It may start out as a nagging twinge that won’t go away…backaches, headaches, those unsettling dreams that do not vanish in the light of day…we don’t know exactly what is wrong so we make adjustments, we shift positions, a twist here, a turn there, the discomfort eases up, and we continue on, blinders firmly in place.

However, our subconscious knows so much more than we realize…it truly is a friend and we give it such little thanks…our body and mind regroup, and stronger, more persistent messages are sent out to the front line.  The twinge we were feeling turns to a burr, a knot in our side, and finally to a deep-rooted thistle sized pain as the ripples of discontent grow.

I felt the knocking of my subconscious, but my blinders were still snugly in place and when I shivered, I merely wrapped my cloak of denial closer.  Richard Bach, one of my favourite authors from my teen years said it best when he stated, “the worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves.  We live in denial of what we do, even what we think.  We do this because we’re afraid.”

I was in pain.

The milky white treads of the thistle curtained the damage it would cause, but its razor edged spines brought tears to my eyes and my vision began to clear.

Because I refused to see, refused to believe,

I accepted.

And what I accepted,

I did not deserve.

Understanding our own value is a difficult quest, but understand we must, for when we do not value ourselves, we do not value others, and that I will not accept.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I pulled the curtain of threads aside.  I stared at the thistle for what it was and identified its roots.

I took action.  Life truly is far too short.

I quit my job a little over two weeks ago and I can breathe now without panic crushing my chest and stealing my air.  The day after my departure, I awoke with that lovely Christmas morning quiver of excitement and anticipation, a true sign that I had made the right decision.

Some whispers are worth listening to; I think I’ll start paying more attention.

“I say you are free.” Jonathan Livingstone Seagull







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6 Responses to Whispers of Discontent

  1. Melinda Young says:

    Love the blog! I totally know how you feel (well not now but in the past). Sometimes you just have to do what you feel is right. I am so happy that you don’t have to deal with that pathetic company you worked for. You did the right thing!

    • Carole-Ann says:

      Thanks Melinda! So many times we are held back by fear…and lost wages creates one monster of a fear…but in the end, if the position you are in is wearing down your health…physically and mentally…it is truly time to reevaluate, and to move on. Thanks, as always, for your constant encouragement!

  2. Pam Ward says:

    It’s amazing what we realize about ourselves when we actually take the time to listen!!
    Some of life’s most wonderful lessons are learned through our trials & tribulations, embrace your new found freedom and live your life for you.
    Thank you for taking the time to share your stories with us through you talented gift of the written word, I enjoy each and every blog entry and look forward to more of what is to come.


    • Carole-Ann says:

      Hi Pam! You have it exactly…we have to learn to listen, and to take the time to find out what it is we really should be doing in our life. I have a whole collection of books that have been trying to tell me exactly that and I have only just started to listen. One of the big things I am going to tackle is the clutter in my house, I need to organize!…figured you would appreciate this action!
      According to Gretchen Rubin and her book The Happiness Project, household disorder can be a “constant drain” on energy, plus in the end, it will give me back that time, that I waste, when I am frantically looking for some of my writing that I put down somewhere and forgot where!
      Thanks again for your support!

  3. You are a brave woman. Incidentally, I have added a link to your blog on my blog (I was long overdo for a blogroll)

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